they told me to hold on, with all the strength that I have
but my strength nowadays, is something I don’t have
they told me to move on, and to make room in my heart
but if I move stuff around, it would fall apart
they told me to have patience, for a better day will come
but every day is the same, mundane and numb
allow me this time
I say to them
allow me to heal
and find some zen
a prophecy at play
I hold no power
there will come a day
when words and love are louder
i feel your promises
as i see your prayers
i see your smiles
as i feel your sorrows
there’s a world within
and a world without
even with this warmth
under this blanket of filth
open your heart
and discard your niceties
be raw and benign
and let the light in
i am as temporary as you
i am as permanent as you
you are as broken as me
you are as whole as me
like for like
tit for tat
sometimes we look at the world and see everything
sometimes we walk the world and feel nothing
but know
for where you falter
your eyes will compensate in seeing
what you cannot
although we forget
that others are watching us
and seeing everything
or feeling nothing
there are twelve eyes
that you do not meet
though they exist
and see what you will not
you, just like a grain of sand
will be coated by this world’s perfections
when you are being rejected
a grain of sand
and this world an oyster
as you find yourself trapped
in a new realm
understand the conditioning
of your imperfections
allow the iridescence
to polish your aura
they say we’re only human, and we laugh at their foolishness
even if my body cracks into infinite pieces, I know my soul is intact
even if my worlds crumble, I know my universe is whole
even if my heart shatters, I know my spirit is unscathed
for this place and its atrocities are not of my welkin
I cannot set up camp
because I do not plan to stay here
a time has come
where the unanticipated settles
it unveils itself in the unlikeliest form
and uncovers itself slowly
for it is a message from the skies
from what we feel and love
and it shows us plenty
of the mechanics of our hearts
what we know can be a curse
but a pleasure nonetheless
and what we don’t know is a blessing
for bounties can be unraveled
we are addled beings
waiting for our next fix
we are strength and weakness
of a love uncanny but desolate
one day you will see
how your demons can be silenced
and through no clear line
but one for the sake of the painter
a cloud passes above me
and fog settles around
I used to be scared of its presence
and of the chance of rain
but now I welcome it
for the limits of the foreseeable
are also a blessing in disguise
because not only can I not see what is in front of me
I also cannot see what is behind
and the travelled road
is torturous
but there’s a hand I hold when I leave this world
and it gives me hope
hope like no other
hope that reincarnates
in every moment
in every breath
it gives me strength
when I see nothing at all
because one day
I will see you
there’s something that I feel today
something I haven’t felt in a long time
it’s like a noose around my neck
it’s snug
but it hasn’t suffocated me yet
this world and its entrapments
this world and its illusions
I can’t partake in this race
I can’t partake in this profound foolishness
I see you all walking
with your heads in the gutters
with your sorrows and guilt
with your emptiness and ploys
and I struggle
because being around you pulls me down
I don’t want to be in those gutters
believing that I’m on clouds
I have no room in me for deception
I have no energy for falsities
but you keep walking
and you keep spending
and I hope that your temporary joys
and man made highs
are enough to help you sleep
and I wonder
if your wanders
mean anything at all
and if you too are ever awake
with this noose of this world
struggling to rest
as you carry everyone’s pain
because I hope you’re not
be careful who you share your duvet with, a blanket of sorts, to protect the integration of dreams
and the dreams of different worlds may have the same consequences as two planets colliding
be careful who you share your duvet with, a blanket of sorts, you may want to keep it to yourself
I live for coffee in the mornings, the rays breaking through the clouds, the layers of clouds that give body to the sky, the birdsong in spring, the moment I switch my lamp off, the feeling I get when you finish the last page of a book, fictional characters that steal my heart, the innocence of children’s laughs, waking up without an alarm, mornings when energy is expendable, nights full of hope, tears of joy and remorse, heartbreaks that revolutionise, the ever so rare moment of clarity, dreams that become nothing, letters of forgotten promises, boxes of old memoirs, scraggy jumpers that last 10 winters, perfumes that take you back to a hellish reality, and smiles that make your eyes wrinkle.
because humans are inconsistent.
it is warm here
the sun falls before shadows
how can you fight his light
when you fall before him
who can gesture atrocity
as his power beseeches all
a kindred stranger
holds me closer than angels
my stone walls crumble
these clouds tell stories
of their need for rain and sky
aren’t we like for like?
dreams of flitting land
and the wind questions my soar
I’m with you, I say
and my mind falters, for you are too engrained for me to surface, though if you did surface, you would be temporary
glances scream a thousand truths when you look
because you see what was, what is, and what will be
and every so often, I’m wrapped and dissolved in your energies
so I have the strength to fight another season.
I cannot say that you left my soul unscathed, rather that you set it alight but you could not kill me. In fact, you were the master of my rebirth and I send my gratitude.
I am smiling at myself today
There’s no wish left in this heart
Or perhaps there is no heart left
Free from all desire
I sit quietly like Earth
My silent cry echoes like thunder
Throughout the universe
I am not worried about it
I know it will be heard by no one
Except me.~ Rumi
so he asked her why she does not listen to him anymore
and she said her angels block her ears from the devil’s wrath
so he asked her why she does not look at him anymore
and she said that even the most beautiful things of this world wither in poor light
so he asked her why she does not touch him anymore
and she said that her hands exude love, but he was full of his own
so he tried to silence her
and she walked, knowing that this chapter in her prophecy just ended.
archaic locution 