spoonie

I never could see below the clouds
my harmony of detachment
I never felt myself superior
though reclusiveness was a pleasure
I never enjoyed the company of others
the forceful interactions drained
I never opened my heart
though it never had been closed

I am not one of spoken words,
and it looks like, neither are you

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where did you go?

words fail when they are needed most, illusions blind and demons deafen

there was stillness, just calm – a life half lived, but it was quiet. just how I like it.

I see you stumbling, wondering how it all fell, and which bits of detritus to pick up.

You see me looking, watching you trying to deflect: I am trying to see you.

I do want to ask you where you went, but I also need to know when you got here.

the land of untold stories

I look around and all I see is stillness, as if, at some point in history, bewildermen fell upon the nation, like a poisonous fog, and it never left 

a place where time does not move, and even its demons are stationary, waiting for something, that has no intention of coming 

the silence is deafening and everyone is on the cusp, of saying something, of telling their story, but the time never comes

and so they stay, waiting for a moment, that is not destined. never moving, never growing, never living 

mortality

I can’t walk this walk
like I’m immortal
I can’t love these people
like I’m immortal
I can’t shrug things off
like I’m immortal

I can only fall to my knees
like I’m mortal

sometimes solar

to be both the sun and the moon is the goal of freedom
the sun, you are, to yourself and what surrounds
the moon, you will be, to the one you commit
to morph from one to the other is a blessing in itself
to understand why you morph is freedom in itself

battles

they keep knocking

and I keep walking

because my heart is heavy

I can’t go towards darkness

when I know 

there’s light to be found 

I’ve been to the darkness before 

there’s no place for me there anymore 

I cleansed my demons 

now, they pray too 

one fell swoop

amidst the hurricanes
the tornadoes and storms
there was a sense of home
for what else is there to know
but a lifetime of cyclones
and sadness amongst joy

then the clouds part
and rays shine down
and I have no need to seek cover
and can walk without shelter
but what do I know
when I’m used to ducking

where do I go
and what do I do
when the clouds no longer
consume

heavy hearted

my heart is heavy as I remember
when I don’t want to
these memories
and the wrath they bring
I was talking to him
the one from years ago
he mimicked and joked
and it took me away
to that day
that cursed day
and the destruction it brought
so he questioned my silence
but how could I say
that his words of light
brought storms of horror

so I pray for the day

that these memories migrate

so my heart is light

but my love is heavy

they told me

they told me to hold on, with all the strength that I have
but my strength nowadays, is something I don’t have

they told me to move on, and to make room in my heart
but if I move stuff around, it would fall apart

they told me to have patience, for a better day will come
but every day is the same, mundane and numb

allow me this time
I say to them
allow me to heal
and find some zen
a prophecy at play
I hold no power
there will come a day
when words and love are louder

these winds

I don’t know how these trees remain their ground, when I just go with it in any direction 

I wish I was a tree and I could withstand the gales, but nowadays I cannot even stand

and the dead leaves don’t even drop

but I like visiting the clouds, they’re like old friends, travellers

their silver linings dance and I watch in awe as my heart breaks and rejoices

again and again

alguna vez 

we talk about life like it’ll never end we talk about our days like they’ll last forever 

but seconds drag and years fly

and we’re still standing in the same race

never healing

never growing 

never moving 

is this it?

the seconds and minutes pass by like tomorrow has already begun and we count the days like the year has already passed us by and through all of this we lose count of what our cherubs bring but rather hold account on how often the devil falters us with his satanic ways

of course this is all it will amount to
when your mind doesn’t contain what he drew
which of your lords favours will you deny?
which of your secrets never form a lie?
stumble like you’ve never stumbled
walk like you’ve never walked
love like there is no later
and smile for the maker

where can there be wrong when no ill gotten gain was foreseen?

tiresome tuesday

there’s a feeling I have
some words to be said
I cannot say
nor can I think
what holds me captive
what holds me sincere
but it’s an anchor no less
of this world of sin

won’t you free me now
won’t you let me fly

no one’s watching

even when I’m standing still I lose my balance
but what is balance where there is no gravity
where there is no force, there is no ground
and where there is no ground, we cease to be grounded

maybe you should stop telling me to get my head out of the clouds
maybe you should join me up here
maybe you need to lose your force
or maybe, just maybe, you need that ground of obscenities to feel pure

the fight

there are nights of sorrow
and then those of joy
I see your face
all a decoy

worry far beyond this
or not at all
pray for strength
truth and gall

I remember the days
of the coldest winter
when my veins were frozen
and I, sinter

the spring brought forth
loose ends and might
I left them loose
and gave up my fight

fools will be foolish, and we will be free

they say it like it’s a bad thing

when you are surrounded by people with low emotional intelligence and when you accept their negative nuances, you are hurting your spirit.

you are not inadequate, they cannot belittle you, you are not a fraction, they cannot dishearten you.

you are whole, unbroken, and your sensitivities and quirks are not your pitfalls, they are you, and you are the best version of you.